The way others interact with you is not only a good indicator of for what type of person they are but also what type of person you are. Take a moment to reflect on the various interactions you have had over the past two days. While you’re thinking, ask yourself a few questions about each interaction. The answers to these questions could be written down or simply answered in your head.
Who Are They
Quite frequently, we do not realize that our relationship with our conversation partner can impact the types of conversations we can appropriately have with them. These questions are meant to help you establish an understanding of your relationship with your conversation partner.
• What is My relationship with the individual?
• Do I talk to them regularly?
• Are they in authority over me?
• Am I in authority over them?
• Do I know them well?
• What types of conversations do I typically have with them?
Environment and context
When you are talking with someone, your environment plays a significant role in whether or not you will have a good time. The context of your surroundings can expand and also limit the types of conversations you should be having. These questions are meant to help you decide if you were talking about the right things in the right place.
• Where were we?
• Was It loud?
• Could they hear me?
• Was the topic of conversation contextually appropriate?
• Were there other people around?
The Substance Of Conversation
We spend most of our lives talking with others that we typically do not pay attention to the information that makes up or conversations. It is important to remember the topics of your discussions. Not only so that your conversations aren’t a waste of time, but also so you can learn from and refine your communication skills. These questions are meant to help you remember and reflect on the substance of your conversations.
• What did we talk about?
• How much did I say in the conversation?
• Was I staying on topic?
• Was I comfortable with the subject?
• Was the topic important?
• Was there a lot to talk about?
• Did the topic cover sensitive information?
Body Language and Voice
The way that we carry our selves in conversation through our body and our tone of voice is a leading factor in how we will be received. Our tone of voice and body language mustn’t betray our message. An effective communicator speaks with their whole body, and their entire body must move as one cohesive unit. These questions are meant to help you reflect on the body language and tone of voice used by both you and your conversation partner.
• What was the expression on my face?
• What was loud and talking over them?
• Was I frequently interrupted?
• Was my tone commanding, timid, or something else?
• How was my posture?
• What was I doing with my hands and arms?
Reception of Information
Often we are unaware of how our words are received. We must say what we mean in the way that we intend to say it. However, it is also vital that we don’t offend someone because of our ignorance in regards to our delivery of information. These questions are meant to help you gauge how both you and your conversation partner received the information that was communicated. This will ultimately help you refine your tact and delivery of information.
• Did they respond to what I was saying?
• Were they interested in what I said?
• Did it seem like they were paying attention?
• Was I interested in what they were saying?
• What was the immediate reaction to what was said?
• Were there strong emotions in response to what was said?
After having read through the questions above, how do you feel about your last conversation?
Would you describe it in more negative terms? If you think it went poorly, was it because of the way you were engaging, or do you think it was all their fault?
If you were honest with your self during the self-evaluation, you might be mortified.
That’s actually a good thing.
Mortification is a sign of humility, and so long as you can remain humble, you will be susceptible to change. With constant reflection and feedback. There is hope that someday you will be the most wholesome and effective communicator to have ever spoken.
Unfortunately, there will be some of you who, despite having read this whole post. Will feel no shame, remorse, or mortification over any of your interactions.
To those troubled few, I have a nothing to say that will help. Your pride will render ineffective any antidote I might try to apply.
We all have issues with communication, and that can be helped through self-analysis and healthy criticism. Those issues can never go away, but their effects can be reduced. However, those whose pride blinds them from their deficiencies will likely never improve their capacity for communication.
The longer these individuals spend in the darkness of their pride, they will not only stagnate. They will get worse.
God help you if you run across someone who has never struggled with communication.
